It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It.
The communication style you use can have an enormous impact on your personal and professional relationships.
We are all hardwired into certain communication styles. Sometimes, those styles will change depending on your environment or who you are speaking with.
In all, there are four different communication styles:
- Passive: This is when you do not express your feelings or needs. These folks often ignore their own personal needs and rights. In meetings, this may be the person you forget is even in the room. The one allowing others to make all the decisions. They frequently avoid eye contact. Often, the motivation to be silent is based on reducing tension or conflict.
- Aggressive: This is when you express your wants and needs at the expense of others. These people can come off as defensive or hostile. They can be considered the “bullies” in meetings since they alienate or hurt others. They frequently will sit with arms crossed, rolling their eyes and visibly sighing when others are talking.
- Passive-Aggressive: This is when you attempt to seem passive, but deep down, you are acting out of anger or trying to control a situation. These folks often cause confusion as they use sarcasm and indirect communication. This is the person in the meeting who will give the silent treatment if they don’t get their way or who spreads rumors and attempts to sabotage another person’s efforts.
- Assertive: You are using assertive communication when you are direct and honest with your thoughts and feelings. You clearly state your wants and needs, but you are also respectful of other’s feelings.
Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, But Don’t Say It Mean.
There is often confusion between Aggressive and Assertive communication styles. In both styles you express your wants and needs. The difference is that Aggressive communication does not take the other person’s needs into consideration.
Aggressive communication:
- Shuts down collaboration
- Is disrespectful
- Is bullying
- Is arrogant
- Does not validate others
When you are being Assertive you are:
- Respecting yourself
- Respecting others
- Getting both parties needs met
- Expressing your thoughts calmly
- Saying “no” when you need to
- Encouraging others to express their thoughts as well
- Sometimes planning what you are going to say in advance
Here Are Some Tips to Improve Your Communication Style:
- Be mindful of your true intensions before you speak.
- Stay focused on one issue at a time.
- Acknowledge criticism. Agree that the truth often lies in the middle-ground.
- Compromise!
- If you feel angry, pause ... take a beath. Gather yourself before you continue.
- Reread emails from the recipient's point of view before you hit "Send."
- Provide objective and measurable feedback.
- Do not make it personal.
- Provide your own solution to a problem. I often tell my staff to come to me with a recommended solution if they are going to come to me with any issue.
- Be aware of your body language. Try to keep yourself open.
Keep this article in mind for all of your conversations this week. Whether in the office, with a customer or at home, being cognizant of how you feel, what your intensions are, how you communicate and what you communicate will help to improve your relationships and provide for stronger solutions through compromise and collaboration.